So, here it is, 3 months later since I wrote part one of this blog.....still searching for peace...I think I'm getting closer, but have run into a few barriers...some weird illnesses, most likely brought on by internalizing my stress...But things have improved: My husband and I now handle all of my father-in-laws affairs as a team, no more interruptions from his siblings, no more unwanted/unbelievable opinions, no more subliminal, negative remarks from people watching, not that these people want to be excluded, I just decided It had to be our way or I just wasn't going to do it. It's amazing what an ultimatum will do, not that I am usually that type of person, but I have learned I have to be sometimes, in a nice way, no nastiness, just "sorry, it's gotta be this way if you want me to help"!
I've gotten back into my workouts, sorta, being side tracked occassionally by some of my weird illnesses, the latest being a urinary tract infection lasting a month....ughhh!!! I'm still continuing to eat "healthier", "organic" etc...making some crazy recipes, with my latest favorite being an acai bowl ( if anyone wants the recipe it's easy and yum, yum, yummy). But something is still missing, something is still not right! I'm not sure if it's lonliness or lack of finding my inner peace! For all those people that think that working from home is the best thing in the world...let me tell u it's not...it's actually pretty boring and forces u to stay in your house for countless hours! I'm not complaining, i know I am lucky to even have a job, and especially the job I have being a professional, but still, it is pretty lonely. Sometimes I fall into a funk and don't get out of the house for days on end. I find myself straining to find things to do on my days off because I don't want to hang around the house and catch up on cleaning or fixing up my garden etc....I just need to get out, go for long walks, anything but stay inside.
My mother came to visit for the holidays which added way much undue stress to my family life. She doesn't really "know" my little children, because she chooses to only visit once a year, if not every other year, despite my constant requests for her presence. She is a very negative, stressed, annoying person. And I tried, GOD, did I try to negate her negativity like a superhero with sheilds of armour, but in the end, she got me and that is why I am finding myself still in this funk, I think. Every time she comes for a visit, I tell myself, this is gonna be great, we are gonna have so much fun, then I am somehow disappointed beyond all belief. I love her with all my heart, but she is very difficult! She has never been here for a holiday before and I hate to say it, but she actually tried to ruin ours. So let's just say she will never come for the holiday's again! I have decided I can no longer be the peacemaker between my siblings and parents, I can only be the peace bringer/giver for my family, my husband, my children....I have to do it this way for happiness!
So here we go, another year, another positive attitude, which I am fighting to keep up, and hopefully a great year with inner peace and happiness in my family and personal life. I hope I don't sound too selfish, but the one thing I have learned in my 41 years of life is that I can try to help people be happy, go out of my way to help people in need...but if people are unaccepting and unbelieving, you must move on to save yourself...to keep yourself happy and peaceful...so here we go 2010...may it be a great one!
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